Crumbled
by ForEvansAndAlways
Summary: She was always the strong one, the rock. Slowly but surely this rock was crumbling.     Lily Evans was breaking.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I am not J.K. Rowling. I am Heather May Emma Moss and I DO own 2 basses, 3 guitars and over 100 My Chemical Romance posters.**

Prolouge.

She was always the strong one, the rock. Slowly but surely this rock was crumbling.

Lily Evans was breaking.

~xoxo~

Her breathing increased, her surroundings spinning, colours blending into each other as the world around sped up as she herself seemed to slow down. Her body could no longer take it, knees buckling as she hit the ground, her fiery red splaying out around her as her eyelids flickered shut over her emerald eyes, eyelashes dusting against her impossibly pale cheeks. To Lily Evans, the world had stopped.

~xoxo~

"Evans! Evans! MERLIN, BE DAMNED! EVANS!"

A voice broke through her haze, the sound of someone shouting her name, a hint of desperation tingeing the sound, although the shaking of her shoulders was more the cause of her waking.

"Wh-what?" a croak slipping through her chapped lipped, her voice cracking in the middle. She was confused, pained and shocked. What was _Potter_ doing shaking her awake? He can't even get in the girls dormitories, though she wouldn't put it past The Marauders to have found some way of sneaking in.

Then she realised, she wasn't in her bed, in her dormitory as she first thought, she was lying in the middle of the quidditch pitch, 7 pairs of eyes staring at her. She felt heat rise up her neck and onto her cheeks, as she blushed at the gazes of the Gryffindor quidditch team.

"Potter, what's going on?" she asked trying to sound trying to make her words come out stern but instead they just came out sounding weak and as if she was exhausted, which, quite frankly, she was.

He looked down at her, Lily could have sworn she saw concern flash in his hazel eyes but she was probably delusional having only just woken up and such.

_I mean, who'd care about me?_

"Don't know, Evans. We found you like this, are you alright?" Again, the concern, but this time she heard it in the tone of his voice.

_Stop it Lily, you know nobody gives a flobberworm about you!_

"Oh, uhm, yes, 'course." Lily looked down, twiddling the blades of grass between her fingers, biting her lip as she blushed.

"Err, not to be rude or anything Evans but, uhm, we sort of need to practice." She looked up to see him rubbing the back of his neck and smiling sheepishly at her as he said it, an apologetic look in his eyes.

"Oh... yeah sure." She got up as quickly as possible and scampered away from the scene hiding behind a curtain of thick red hair, cursing herself for embarrassing herself. Again.

_It's not like you don't embarrass yourself enough._

Too busy berating herself for being so stupid in public, she didn't even think about how she ended up out on the quidditch pitch. And yet that was truly the question wasn't it.

What was Lily Evans doing, passed out, on the quidditch pitch during the day?

Lily knew why, she just wasn't quite ready to admit it yet.

~xoxo~

As shocking as it may be, Lily Evans has always had problems with her self-esteem. Always having the voice inside her head that constantly told herself how hopeless she truly was. Even as a child, when all the other girls would have ponytails and Lily had pigtails. She told herself it was because she was a horrendous excuse for a girl and locked herself in the Year 2 toilets all break, pulling all her out of the pigtail.

This greatly increased when she reached the age of 11, when the letter from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry arrived.

"_I don't – want – to – go! You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a-a... you think I want to be a – a freak?" Petunia spluttered over the sentence, spitting out the word freak._

"_I'm not a freak. That's a horrible thing to say!" Lily exclaimed, her eyes showing her hurt at her sister's comment._

"_That's where you're going; a special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy... weirdoes, that's what you two are. It's good you're being separated from normal people. It's for our safety." Petunia spoke the words in the most horrible tone of voice, holding her head high, turning away with a 'humph' and storming out the room. That left Lily stood there, alone, with tears streaming down her face._

The worst her self-esteem had ever gotten, the lowest she ever felt was last Summer when Severus Snape, her _best_ friend, had uttered that _disgusting_ word and continued to degrade her.

Things have just gone downhill from there. Fast.

~xoxo~


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I**** do not own Harry Potter, I am not J.K. Rowling. I am Heather May Emma Moss and I DO own 2 basses, 3 guitars and over 100 My Chemical Romance posters.**

_**Chapter 1**_

_Lily Evans_

6th year was always a difficult year, the N.E.W.T preparation, the intensive continuous lectures, the overloading piles of homework the professors thrusts onto the students, everyone was feeling how hard the classes were becoming. Although none of them had the extra stress from James Potter. _Merlin_, was that boy ever going to give up?

"Hey Evans." Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Potter." I acknowledge with a stiff nod, I've learned better than to think ignoring him will make him leave.

"You know Evans, you don't need Snape, I can _Slytherin_ you."

Do you see what I mean yet?

~xoxo~

A few hours later, after leaving Potter with a beautiful hand print adorning his face, I sat in the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table pushing my food around my plate not really paying attention to my surroundings, focusing more on the Potions class we had just had.

_So if you add 4 newt eggs instead of 3 and stir the potion twice as quickly then the outcome of th-_

"BOO!"

My fork clattered to the ground as I jumped back from the bench, raising my wand.

"Merlin, Lils, chill out, it's only me!" exclaimed Marlene McKinnon, my best friend, who is currently laughing her arse off on the floor of the Great Hall; overreaction much?

"It's not funny!" I snap. "We are in the middle of a _war _and you think that sneaking up on me like that would be funny?"

I know it's now my turn to overreact, but with the war there are so many attacks and killings it would make even those of the purest blood wary, let alone little old muggleborn me. For example just today the _Daily Prophet_ read:

_THE BLACK ATTACK!_

_Yesterday, 16__th__ of September 1976, Mr. Alex Pennington and his wife Jacqueline perished in an unexplainable, to muggles, fire along with their twin daughters Annie and Ela, aged 5. The fire was the work of masked, black figures who have allegedly been calling themselves '_Death Eaters'_. These Death Eaters ar_e _the followers of the one we have titled He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the extremely evil, purity obsessed driving force behind all these muggle/muggleborn related murders as there has been over 500 deaths in the past 3 months alone. _

_The Death Eaters in question are proclaiming their undying support of that of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named yet are still unwilling to show us who they really are, we thought maybe loyalty would come above common sense somewhere in there inbred brains. Unfortunately, they seem to have more common sense than that. _

_Remember though, watch yourselves, your family, your friends, everyone. It's dangerous times that are about, keep strong, keep safe._

So as you can tell, I'm bound to be a bit shaken. 500? In 3 months? It's completely and utterly ridiculous, so you see my reasoning for being like that with Marlene; the war is stressing me out. Actually I think it's stressing everyone else out too.

Two very distinctive laughs break me out of my thoughts, a bark-like laugh and a deep husky chuckle, and I realise maybe some people remain undeterred by the war as I send glares toward Black and Potter.

~xoxo~

I make my way up to the Common Room as every gets told to leave the library, threats of forced removal, are definitely not empty ones, the new librarian Madam Pince is very... protective over her books, I swear sometimes she thinks they are her children.

I climbed the long route up to the seventh floor, which was so routine by now the walk felt like barely anything, when on the 6th floor as I was continuing up to the Gryffindor Common Room, I felt something, a hand, land gently on my arm. I turned to see something I dreaded more than anything else.

Black eyes.

~xoxo~

I panted out the password to the portrait of the Fat Lady, instantly gaining access, and ran straight up to my dorm, ignoring Potter's constant call of 'Evans!' as I passed straight through the lavishly decorated red and gold Common Room and collapsing on my bed. I grabbed at the red material surrounding my bed and yanked, so the curtains closed off the connection from the outside world.

I just couldn't take it, looking into his black eyes, it was as if the black reflected all the memories, the memory.

"_LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily._

"_Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly._

"_Take the curse off him, then!"_

_James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the counter-curse._

"_There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"_

"_I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

_Lily blinked._

And in that one blink, I had so much.

I hid the pain, I hid the hurt, I hid the anger and I hid the tears. I hid it all.

What a mistake that blink was, instead of exploding, let all the emotion out, I kept it locked inside, so instead of exploding, I imploded, so as perfect as the exterior may look, inside me, Lily Evans, it's a mess.

Right now, this mess is hiding behind two sheets of red cloth, hiding from the world and all the terrors it brings with it.

With shaking hands, I reach my hand out of the curtains, feeling exposed and vulnerable and blindly search for my notepad. I need to vent. Retrieving the notepad, I flick through the pages filled with stories, drawings, poems, everything, looking for a clean page. As soon as one is found I take a quill and set to work.

_Everything that is wrong with the world._

_War._

_Purists._

_James Potter._

_Mary's collection of _TeenWitch_ magazine._

_Sirius Black._

_The Beatles – they're not going to get anywhere with their music._

_James Potter._

_Slytherins._

_The 'Slug Club'._

_Death Eaters._

_James Potter._

_Black's _flavour of the week.

_Peter Pettigrew's unhealthy obsession with cheese._

_Marlene's _too_ carefree attitude._

_James Potter._

_DEATH._

_Amos Diggory growing a beard._

_The word 'Mudblood'_

_James Potter._

_The unforgivable curses._

_Dementors._

_Inbreeding._

_James Potter._

_Severus Snape._

I sighed as I placed the notebook and quill back on my nightstand. Why couldn't everything be okay?

~xoxo~

A/N: I just want to thank Selena Lupin and Greenly-Toxic for adding this story to their alerts and to whoever sent the anonymous review. Thank you for everything :)


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I****do not own Harry Potter, I am not J.K. Rowling. I am Heather May Emma Moss and I DO own 2 basses, 3 guitars and over 100 My Chemical Romance posters.**

_**Chapter 2.**_

_James Potter._

6th year is a breeze. Minnie is too busy lecturing the classes, to actually lecture us specifically, except when we shrunk Dungbombs and put them in the trifle. She wasn't too happy with that, turns out trifle's her favourite. Ah well, at least we got good bribing information out of it... doubt Minnie is one to be bribed though, damn.

I do know how important my N.E.W.T's genuinely are, and despite all the rumours, I truly do care. But I do disagree with all the pressure they're putting on us. Don't we have enough problems burdening our shoulders on a time of war like this? You'd at least think they'd stop all homework. Inconsiderate, I tell you.

I turned and voiced my thoughts to Padfoot. He let out, his trademark, bark-like laugh.

"Excuse me boys, have you been listening?" inquires Professor Slughorn, raising his eyebrow.

"Of course we are, sir!" I begin.

"It hurts that you would begin to doubt us, Professor!" continued Sirius, dramatically

He let out a small chuckle, wagging his sausage-like finger at us before turning and walking through the potions classroom; probably to praise Evans or _Snivellus_.

Ugh, slimy little bastard. I can't wait to lay into the twat. We never really did anything major because of Evans (Merlin knows why she ever liked the guy) but now things have changed.

Not only do we want to get him like we originally wanted to, we now want to avenge Evens. _Merlin, I'm making it sound like he killed her._ What he did was so horrible, he called his supposed best friend a-a, I can't even say it! Well if that's friendship, Peter's skinny (Peter is _not_ skinny, the boy eats more than me and Sirius put together and that's a hell of a lot).

I looked over to my fellow Marauders – Sirius, attempting to flirt with Marlene McKinnon, Remus, genuinely trying to do the work, poor sod, and Peter, who by the looks of it, is trying to eat his Potions ingredients – and I knew just then.

This prank is going to be big; it's going to go down in Marauder history.

~xoxo~

Transfiguration, I already knew all this shit. Not that we don't respect McGonagall, because we do, believe it or not, but we _are_ animagus. We don't need to spend three hours cooped up in a class room learning about it. Yes, three, triple Transfiguration. _Yippee_.

If I was bored at the start, after 35 minutes, how bored do you think I am? I decided to pass a note to Moony, Wormy and Pads and disrupt their education like a good friend should.

_I'm at the point of boredom where I think a zombie would have more brain activity going on. Seriously, this is like a lesson with Binns. _

**Oh come on, give Minnie some credit, we all know nobody is worse than Binns. That man, I swear, I'd rather listen to ****Celestina Warbeck's dreadful warbles for the rest of my life. **

_**C'mon Padfoot, not even Warbeck is that bad. Even **_**I **_**can't properly concentrate in lessons. **_

_YOU HEARD IT HEAR FIRST! Mr. Remus John Lupin, not concentrating? IS THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT ENDING? ARE WE DOOMED?_

_**Over-dramatic much Prongs?**_

**We all know he's a drama queen.**

_Guys, what's happening? I don't get what McGonagall is talking about!_

**Peter, you twat.**

_Oh, come on Wormy! We ARE animagus! You've got to know this!_

_**You thoroughly exasperate me Pete. I'll help you later okay, after Prefect duties?**_

_Prefect duties with Evans... she's fit._

_Thank you, Remus._

**Once again - Peter, you twat.**

**And Prongsy, you mate, are a completely love struck twat. You realise that?**

_Shut it! How can you pass up perfection? Gorgeous fiery hair, amazing emerald eyes that sparkle like the night sky. She's beautiful, guys._

**Twat.**

_**I'm afraid to admit that on this occasion, I do have to agree with Padfoot here. James mate, you're a love sick twat.**_

_Do you think Minnie likes cheese?_

**Twat.**

_And beauty- Wait WHAT Pete?_

_**He likes cheese. Ever wondered why our room stinks of it?**_

_I just thought it was Padfoot's general odour._

**HEY! No way! If I stunk of cheese, would the ladies swoon like they do?**

_Maybe they just faint from the overwhelming stench of cheese._

_I like cheese! :3_

**Only twats draw faces, Pete. **

_**I believe you need to stop saying twat.**_

**I believe Prongs needs to get his head out of Evans' arse. **

_Yeah, he's like the next Snivellus._

_OI! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE, PETTIGREW!_

**Snivelly Potty. It's got quite a nice ring to it.**

_I hate you all, you bunch of twats, BUT on the subject of Snivellus, we NEED to prank him. Like the ultimate prank._

_**Ingenious!**_

**Nice one, mate!**

_We can cover him in cheese!_

_I'll talk to you guys later; I can't deal with the cheese._

I crinkled up the used parchment and shoved it in my bag, spending the last 20 minutes of triple Transfiguration admiring all the different shades of oranges and reds Lily Evans' hair really is.

~xoxo~

Sitting at the Gryffindor table at the Great Hall, I realise Peter does eat a lot of cheese. A lot more than one would consider normal.

"Peter, you twat."

100 Galleons Sirius Black made that remark.

"Shut it, Sirius" Peter retorted with a mouth full of macaroni cheese.

Bingo!

"I swear to Merlin, Wormtail, if you're eating in the dorm when I get back from Prefect duties, I'm forcing you to exercise, even if it's the last thing I do. I can't remember the last time you ran."

"...neither can I." Aw, Pete, you fat sod.

~xoxo~

Pete just managed to shove a box of Honeyduke's Finest under his bed as Remus open the door to the 6th year boys' dormitories.

"Hmm..." Remus pondered, narrowing his eyes at Pete, he knows him too well.

Pete just squeaked, poor guy.

"Fine." Moony said, rolling his eyes. "But about this prank now we're all to-"

"I'M BACK!" Sirius sang, bursting through the dorm doors. "Hope you didn't miss me too much."

Remus whole faced dropped, followed by his forehead creasing and then constant spluttering coming out of mouth.

It was really quite a sight, calm composed Remus, losing it.

"What's up Remmy, old pal?" Pads said, strolling past and clapping him on the back.

"I was just on patrol! Y-You were _out_?"

"'Course he was Moons, this is Pads we're talking about." Seriously, you think they'd learn.

"But that's complete disregard to my duties! He didn't even tell me!"

"You're just mad that you didn't see me." Sirius said with a smirk. He was now lounging back on his bed, hands behind his head. Arrogant twat.

Remus started spluttering, trying to form a sentence again. Poor sod.

"I jus- PETER PUT THE FOOD AWAY!"

We're a right bunch, but we're brothers, and I love it.

~xoxo~

**A/N: I KNOW! I KNOW! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take so long, I don't know what happened! It was almost a month, and I apologize greatly. I'm a twat, I do realise. Sorry guys. AND I do realise this is a really shit chapter, but bare with me, James is so so so hard to right. I just wanted you to have a little insight into the mighty Marauders. Okay, well sorry. Bye:3**


End file.
